May, 1999

Dear Angel,

Is it wrong to make a man wait five to six months before meeting him face to face???

cali, Kansas

Angel Says,

No Cali, I don't believe so. I'm sure you have good reasons for delaying a meeting if that is what you are doing. You need to do what ever feels comfortable for you. If you are not comfortable to meet this man yet, then don't do it. Listen to your inner voice. It will never let you down.

With Love, Angel

June, 1999

Dear Angel,

Although I've read your column many times, and both enjoyed and benefited from your advice to others, I NEVER thought that I would be asking for help. I'm a 28 year old male, and have been dating the same girl for about 3 months. Recently we had our first sexual encounter, (which though uncomfortable for both, ended up okay), except that after the act, my erection would not quit. It got worse and worse, and finally my girl drove me to the Emergency room at our City Hospital. By this time, I was embarrassed, to say the least, and in great pain.......my penis was twice it's normal size, and had turned almost black..(I'm caucasian).......Finally the Dr.'s were able to deflate it and sent me home. My girl hasn't called since, and I'm too embarrassed to contact her. We had become very close over the three months, but now, it's like we were NEVER intimate.........What should I do? Just find another girl and hope this never happens again, or try and find ! some neutral way of discussing this situation with her

Frustrated in Denver

Angel Says,

Dear Frustrated in Denver,

I can well understand your embarrassment. Unfortunately, our bodies do not always perform as we would wish. I hope by now, you have discovered the physical and possible emotional reasons for your prolonged and painful erection. It seems to me that if you do not make an attempt to contact your girlfriend you will spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had. She may well be waiting and hoping for that you will call and feeling rejected by YOUR lack of contact. If you care for her, give her a chance. Let her know how you feel. The worst that can happen is she will reject you. Should this happen you will at least know she is not the one for you and be able to move forward in your life. Please come back and let us know the outcome.

With Love, Angel

Dear Angel,

My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 mouths ago and she went out with my cousin who is 3 years older than her. I thought I was over her but I guess I am not but I think she is over me. I think that her b/f is just lust and won't last long. My question is should I let her go or wait for them to break up and then take my chances with her because I love her and she used to love me.

Chris M, Unknown

Angel Says,

Dear Chris,

Ask yourself these questions...Why did your girlfriend break up with you in the first place? Was it because of your cousin or because she was not as much in love with you as you are with her? Would you be willing to forgive her if you got back together? Chris, the choice is yours. Waiting and hoping or getting involved in your own life and finding a new love. By holding onto the past you are not able to move forward and meet a new love. By waiting you could be delaying meeting someone very special. Someone who would return your love.

With Love, Angel

Dear Angel,

I am a 37 year old male who is single and has never been married. Quite honestly I am now faced with a problem involving a young woman whom I work with that I have never experienced before. The two of us are definitely aware of our mutual attraction towards one another however no words have been exchanged to confirm the situation. You see, this young woman is married. I can honestly say that our relationship at this point is entirely innocent outside of flirtation in that we have never embraced or kissed. We work in separate departments so I do not always see her everyday but I find that we both are seeking one another out now on a frequent basis. She is a beautiful young woman and exhibits many of the personal qualities that I want. I feel guilty for wanting her and I am not proud of that fact however I cannot help myself. I try to stay away from her but she seeks upon the smallest opportunity to talk to me or invite herself to lunch when I intend to spend the time alone. She! recently showed up at a cocktail party for a colleague of mine from my department only because her manager had advised her that I would be in attendance. When she arrived at the party, she showed up minus her husband and by herself. Her appearance was absoulutely radiant in beauty and she immediately raced up to me with obvious eye contact and body language suggesting that this was our night for a hook-up. After about an hour, a good friend and colleague without previous knowledge whatsoever of the situation picked up on what was happening and managed to pry me away from her to offer his sensible advice. Shortly thereafter, she began to huddle with a friend for what appeared to be a similar conversation and the night ended without any regrets for the both of us. I thought that this particular evening would cool things off a bit but it has not. The mutual attraction continues and almost seems to have intensified. Though I have never seen or met her husband, I am told by friends that he is not very handsome and that they have not exactly had a perfect marriage to date. In fact, I only expressed interest in her to a colleague when he told me she was separated and getting a divorce which obviously turned out to be false. When my comments inevitably got back to her is when she began to pursue me. I think that perhaps she is dissappointed in her marriage and likes the mutual attraction that exists between us because it gives her the strokes that she currently needs. In other words, I think perhaps she does not really want me but the attention that she is receiving while I on the other hand would love to be with her if it were only possible. How can I learn what she is thinking of me without being so brazen to ask her and risk making a fool out of myself for making false assumptions? I cannot believe that I am even asking these questions in that it seems so impossible that I am falling for a married woman but I am. Thankfully her and her husband have no children but I still do not want to hurt him. I should tell you that I am totally opposed to having an extra-marital affair with her but I cannot guarantee I will be strong enough to resist it. What are my options here? How can I pass up such a woman when I have waited my whole life for one just like her? If I totally turn and walk the other direction right now, will I forever look back with regret for not having tried to make a connection? Will she become another of the handful of really great women that got away? Another lump in the throat every time I think of them and what could have been? Please help and thank you kindly in advance. Best Regards, Tommy

Tommy, Idaho, USA

Angel Says,

Dear Tommy,

It seems to me that this young woman may be playing with your feelings. You say that she did not show any interest in you until she heard that you were interested in her. Whatever you have heard about her marriage or relationship with her husband could be completely false. Nobody knows what truly goes on inside a marriage except the two people involved. If this young woman was desparately unhappy in her marriage then she would likely have left it before now. Perhaps she is bored with her marraige and looking to you for a fling. Is this what you want? Remember that should this happen she would be cheating on her husband and if she is willing to cheat on someone she has made a lifelong committment to would she not also cheat on you? I feel you may well be playing with fire and could end up on the losing end of all this. Illicit affairs are always more exciting. The risk heightens the excitement. You need to decide what it is you are truly looking for. Marriage takes effort. The day to day interaction of two people. This takes committment, tolerance, effort, real caring and respect for your partner through thick and thin. The honeymoon period does not last forever but with true loving and effort you can build a love worth more than all the flings in the world. Are these the qualities you see in this young woman?

With Love, Angel

July, 1999

Dear Angel,

I am 18 and I am in love with my best friend. We have been best friends since the fifth grade, and he is leaving for college soon and I have to tell him, he already knows but I wasn't the one to say it. He is a really hard person to read. I don't know what to do? Should I just kiss him and get it done and over with or talk to him? I am losing sleep over this and my mind.

I am from Pennsylvania

Angel Says,

I suggest you buy your boyfriend a special going away present and ask him to accompany you on a special date. Go somewhere that you can be alone together. This will give both of you the opportunity to express your feelings for each other. If you are not sure of his feelings you may not feel comfortable to tell him how you feel right now. If this is the case, arrange to stay in touch by snail mail or email. If he is serious about you he will be very willing to do this.

With Love, Angel

Dear Angel,

I have been going with my girlfriend for 6 months. She is still in contact with her boyfriend she had before me, he often stays at her house, but not in her bed. Should I allow this to happen, and is it normal.

George from Australia

Angel Says,

Dear George,

You must be a very tolerant man! Have you talked to your girlfriend about this situation? No it is not usual. It is most unusual. Rarely do ex girlfriends/boyfriends manage to stay friends without some jealousy of the new partner. However, it can and does happen. You didn't say whether this man stays at your girlfriend's house while you too are there. If you are not happy talk to your girlfriend about how you feel and why. Would she be happy if you were to regularly have your ex-girlfriend as a house guest? Remember, you do have a right to have respect for your feelings in your relationship. You will not get any by being a doormat! Strangely, women rarely respect men they can either walk all over or control.

With Love, Angel